I am my own Strength

This is unbelievable. Last week i experienced a massive shift of energy inside and outside of me. It has clearly been something I have needed to do for many years now and finally I have been able to make the shift.
Whilst reading the Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss, I became tuned in to a part of my psyche or energy system that has been in a dark place for many years, in fact possibly for my entire life.
There has been a series of events over the last few years that has led me to understand that there was something I needed to work on, and now I finally have discovered it.


I have always been unable to remain friends with ex-girlfriends and have had issues with girlfriends being friends with their exes, I am just uncomfortable with it.
Having been told that I have a block of energy (which I believe now felt like more of a leak) around my 3rd chakra, I realized that I needed to work with self-esteem and confidence. I seem like a pretty confident person, but realized there must be a part of me that needs improvement.

Near the start of my current relationship, I explained to my girlfriend that I would not be able to be friends with her if we were to break up. (This is just usual behaviour for me. The reason behind which, I did not know until this moment)
My girlfriend is friends with a couple of her exes, she regards them more as friends than exes, however this still has bothered me. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the main emotions involved in a situation like this, is that of jealousy and trust. I didn’t like the negative thoughts I have had in relation to this, so wanted to delve deeper into myself in an attempt to discover if my fears were justified, or if I could release these negative emotions.

I needed to understand that ‘the ex’ is not my enemy, but indeed my teacher in this exercise. The ex is showing me a reflection of a part of me; a shadow of my real character, a shadow containing my inability to continue a friendship with an ex. The 3rd Chakra deals with self esteem and I feel that lack of self-esteem is the very reason I can not remain friends with an ex. Thoughts such as “What if my ex’s new guy is better than me” – “Why has she chosen him over me?” – “What if my girlfriends ex has better qualities than I?” – “Is her ex trying to put me down to make himself look better?” – All are examples of a lack of self-esteem and the inability to accept what is and to just allow the freedom of choice and natural selection, without making up negative outcomes or stories in my head, or by doubting my own strengths.

It occurred to me in a very profound moment, that it was not a trust issue, but that I was infact jealous of my girlfriends exes’ ability to be friends with her. It was against my “beliefs”. Upon realizing that the reason I was jealous of him was because he was able to be this friend, suddenly made me see the simplicity of my problem – ‘Stop holding a belief that only serves you negative emotions and realize that I CAN be that friend.’ Suddenly understanding that my energies were being spent in a negative way; by feeding the lack of belief in myself, I felt a huge rush of energy into my body and an intense heat in my stomach and solar plexus. I soon began to laugh hysterically as I held that feeling and began to cry with laughter and relief. I had unplugged my energies from the negative stream of the need to be better than others, the fear of being second best or being put down by ‘the new boyfriend’ or ‘the current ex”. My entire body began to tingle right to the edges and my breath filled up, a weight lifted from me. It was very intense lasted for a good 5 or 10 minutes and made me smile all through. I now know that I could remain friends with my girlfriend; should she become an ex. I am happy that her exes can be friends with her, they have taught me a lesson I never thought I could learn. I am grateful for these teachers who you initially see as a threat. I now have no negative energies travelling between me and these newly regarded teachers. I feel recharged, replenished and cut off from the energy drain I was previously attached to.

I will love my girlfriend, be her mine, or someone else’s. I thank her for her guidance, acceptance and for her forever blossoming friendship, whatever form it holds.


Being completely over taken by this amazing experience, an inexplicable madness, the purest of all feelings, is a treat. It is pure unadulterated insights from somewhere much deeper than the mind. I have experienced this hilarious excitable knowing previously; for the first time in 2008 whilst reading the Power of Now. It is what I believe to be a snapshot of enlightenment. You feel like the ‘crazy person’ that walks down the street just laughing at absolutely nothing. It’s a relief. You are laughing at how ridiculous your previous situation was and how simple things can be. This is the only way I can describe it. The mind can always creep back in and try to convince you otherwise, but once you learn to receive the truth from a deeper source and trust this guidance, you understand which guidance is pure and which one is born of opinions, beliefs and conditioning from the external world.

Ironically, it takes a bit of work to keep things simple. Don’t give away your energies to others, you deserve it all for yourself. If you notice someone or something draining you of your power then I suggest you Take the Power Back. (I used to be a big fan of Rage against the Machine. After thinking about this post for a while this song came to me and I can certainly relate it to this experience). To benefit from those moments of deep insight I encourage people to really step outside themselves, to look at any situation with a fresh set of eyes, as if you were not you, understand that there are many angles from which to view things. Still time away from the external pressures of modern society can help with this, including well practiced yoga and mediation. Don’t let your thoughts run away with you, thoughts are a tool to use, not a definitive truth. Step outside your-self, you are more than a body and mind, ‘You’ are the awareness that experiences life through your body and mind (self). Treat your vessel with respect, listen to your body too, it contains many clues to your health and don’t put it through too much stress. Be good to yourself.

I would love to hear anyone’s comments on this post, please post any thoughts or feelings you have, thank you.

(on a side note – whilst hunting around for a cool picture to go with this post I found the one inserted above on a cool site that I thought I should direct you to – www.shantea.net)

Other reading – the straight way blog


2 thoughts on “I am my own Strength

  1. Great post Alan. I can especially relate with what you wrote in the simplicity area. Although I am much better than I used to be, I am constantly working on (as you’ve written) using my thoughts as tools and not a definitive truth. Like anything it takes time and practice, but it’s made such a difference in my life, particularly my relationships.
    Also I enjoy the “other reading” you include. I’m always searching for thoughtful, spiritual and inspiring blogs to follow. Thanks 🙂

    1. Thanks again for your comments. I am always very welcoming of other people’s views. It is also nice to know that others relate, adding weight to my writings. Thanks you.

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